“If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me.” ― Alice Roosevelt Longworth
I have never been a confident person to the point where I have always feared what other people would think of me, whether they would like me and if I can actually accomplish what I intentionally set out to do.
So how is it that when I finally overcome and conquer my fears and do something that I am personally passionate about, whether it’d be something that someone has done before or a something that you have been working on for some time that it just takes that one negative remark to set you back to the beginning again? Or how is that when you overcome the “fear” of a person you didn’t relate to properly or didn’t get a connection with but you try your hardest to be good with that person but deep down you still have that fear and you can’t be yourself because you know at some point, they’re going to put you down?
How can negative remarks play such an influence on your mind? How do you overcome those negative remarks? Whenever I get put into that situation, for a good few days the remark(s) and situation will play on my mind so much to the extent where I can’t think about anything else, my mood completely changes, I overthink everything and I get put into that place of anxiety and feeling scared. It is like that feeling where you’re drowning underwater and your arms are flailing around, your legs are kicking away trying to get out and get some air, but you can’t. So you’re helplessly trying to scream and ask for help but no noise comes out and you swallow even more water that pushes you down.
Even though I have my people that I can speak to that would always be there for me day or night, who would help through every situation I have been in and they tell me over and over again that I shouldn’t be scared or feel anxious. Combined with their positive attitude and their boost of energy and confidence that what I am out to pursue or trying to accomplish is great, I still can’t overcome the feeling that lies inside me. That twitchy feeling that has been knocking on my mind for so many days reminding me at every possible point that it is still around and here to stay for a while. I wake up feeling tired and being in a state of panic.
I know when I look back after a few weeks, months or years I would laugh at myself for ever feeling like that and part of me will hate that I let myself get to that point but how do you deal with the feeling at that moment in time? That feeling of drowning away underwater.
After going through this a lot of times in my life in very different situations, I have learnt that saying of “who cares what others say or think”. So why should you care if someone hates you for doing what you want to do and have such a passion for? Why should you care if they cut you off, be short with you or talk about you? Whether it is a good thing they’re saying or a bad thing, they’re talking about you nonetheless. You’ve obviously made some sort of an impact in their lives that they’ve taken time out to actually speak about you.
“Don’t waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear” famously said by Paulo Coelho and I can’t stress that enough, even to myself when I get put in that horrible dark corner. At the end of the day, you have got to do what you feel is right, you can’t make everyone happy and even if by a miracle you did make everyone happy, they would always find something else to negatively remark about.
I’ve found that there will always be that one person or something who will help you overcome that fear. Hang onto that person, be that it is your best friend, your parents, your partner whoever it may be. Maybe it is something you do to get yourself out of that situation, reading, walking, going away somewhere, do it. Whoever that person is or whatever that thing is, is your lifesaver. It is that person or thing that can see you’re drowning away and they’ve jumped in to pull you out or they’ve chucked in a rescue boat/ring to help you get on and out of those deep murky waters. Where now you can breathe in the air, you’re in control of your body and mind and you’re not stuck. When you come out of that dark place you see the light, you smell the fresh air and you feel rejuvenated and so use that to move on, complete what you set out to do and do it with all your confidence and might.
The best way that I deal with being stuck in that dark corner is by writing down how I feel, who or what made me feel that way and finally speaking to someone about it. Even by writing how I feel, it feels like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders, even if I end up breaking down and crying through the process. It is my way of just letting go and getting myself back to the person I was. Speaking to someone that has taken their time out to listen to you and understand how you feel gives you that reassurance to carry on with what you’re doing.
Lastly, you have to look out for yourself. Don’t put yourself in that place where you can’t get out, don’t let other people’s words or actions affect the way you feel. It is always easier said than done but until you focus on that and recite it to yourself and actually use it, you will always go back to how you felt before. Be confident about whatever you’re trying to accomplish and if someone wants to put you down and say negative things, then let them.
As the musician Marvin Gaye said “If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else”.